You're kidding, right?
by Please Tell Me
Summary: Ed's life has never been fabulous, everyone has to admit that. But, now that everything's done and over with, is he prepared for adoption? And a princess who stabs him on their first meeting? What about marriage? FIXED


_**Author Note: SO, I fixed the spelling that was wrong in this because it was bugging me, so... HERE!**  
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_Promise Day, shortly after_

I kicked a stone. It stumbled a few feet before giving up to friction and stopping. And I was aiming to get it off the side of the cliff. I sighed and gave up, sinking down to the ground. It feels like mud and mulch mixed together like they are trying to conquer one another, but both fail, and coexist.

Ha, how the world works funny. People, individuals, broke up as Male and Female, two different genders. Then, instead of continuing the individualism we all meet together, one male to a female, create families, and the cycle restarts.

Alphonse was sitting near me, but I barely realize. I can't understand anything. I can't register it. My arms back, it feels good to flex it and it feels good to feel skin on skin. Besides, I still have a leg for Winry to work with, not that she'd be happy with that. I clenched a fist into his hands, opening back up, just to see it work like flesh, wrinkle then smooth out. Like a flower.

The prince is in front of me, a hole in his clothes near his stomach, both of his sleeves torn and probably floating around Amestrisis until they land near an unsuspecting child. Behind him I see his sulky bodyguard behind him, her mask shattered, hair matted, and keeping back tears from streaming down her face.

I pity her. I can't help it. She doesn't get her real arm back, like I do, she has to put up with this worthless piece of- forget, I'm not even going to go there. Alphonse let's out a cough behind me. I acknowledge that he's there.

Mei's been crying in the corner about Al for the last hour, sobbing and letting the tears stream down her cheeks. She doesn't notice that Alphonse is Ok, and that she can stop sobbing like a maniac, and go back to Xing already.

"Mei Chang!" Stupid annoying prince. You could hear him over the whole universe screaming at once. "Mei Chang! ... Lan Fan, why isn't she answering me?"

"Mei Chang," LanFan said, by the time Ling had said her name she had been kneeling down beside the girl, whispering to her calmly. "It is time for us to return to our homeland of Xing, are you ready to cross the desert?"

I winced. LanFan was too nice to still be working for someone like Ling, she was prepared to cross a desert with Auto-mail. Then again, if she returned without that obnoxious prince, she'd probably be executed.

Mei sniffed a little and raised her head. "The Chang clan cannot fail!"

"And it won't." Ling stood up straight in front of the little princess. "The Chang clan shall be in safe hands, once I'm emperor." He searched for something in his pants pocket for something. He pulled out a stone the color of blood red.

Mei reached for it automatically, before Ling pocketed it again. "Once I'm emperor all the clans shall be taken care of, the changs, and even your clan LanFan."

LanFan bowed slightly, clumsily, before helping Mei up. "Your so greedy Ling Yao!" She shouted. That was the last word that I heard her say. Shortly after that they departed for Xing, LanFan giving a haste goodbye, refusing to use Ling's coat for protection against the sun, Mei giving Al a hug, and Ling, who just walked away, waving over his shoulder.

After that, I took Al down to the hospital. I hadn't realized how awful he looked until he had almost toppled over when Mei had hugged him. Being in just a blanket must have been uncomfortable for Al. I couldn't imagine who had it worse: Me or Al.

We walked past the colonels room. You could mostly tell by all the voices and the fact that said door had a note taped to it:

Riza Hawkeye and Roy Mustang's room. Critical condition. Allow Rest for 2-4 days.

The fact that it wasn't official was given away by the fact that it wasn't signed by a doctor or an official. Inside I heard talking in a monotone voice, almost like they were reading from cards, or suddenly changed to robots.

_3 months later_

"Mind telling us what we're doing in here?" I ask. Mustang's at his desk, riffling through papers, while Hawkeye stands behind him, a small smirk on her face.

It's unnerving.

"Brother, it's best you respect adults." Al's hand was on my shoulder. I had an urge to shove it off, not that I would.

"Yeah, but I'm not sure he qualifies as an adult Al."

"Here." Mustang shoves some papers into my hands. A few sheets fall to the floor and Al picks them up. I barely notice. I feel like it's the promise day. Except for right now, I'd rather be fighting 'The Father' than dealing with this.

Edward Elric:

Sex: Male

Age: 16

Parents: Trisha Elric & Van Hohenheim

Came into Orphan: Mother died of sickness when six or seven. Father died recently in battle, found near the mother's grave.

Adoptive parents: Roy Mustang & Riza Hawkeye

Page two was just a repeat of what mine said except with Al's name on the top. Mortified and looking at the colonel (how is he taking this so calmly?), shaking I passed the papers to Al. I desperately searched for a ring on the Lieutenants hand. I found nothing.

"We're being adopted?" Al asked. It was weird, usually his voice was metallic and kind of girly, it felt strange hearing be like a human's, not like he was talking through a metal can.

"Yes."

"Why does it say your both adopting us?" Al asked, I checked his eye movement, he was looking for an engagement ring too. Finding nothing he tensed up in the his chair.

"The original plan was for me to adopt you, however... when I when to the office to check in on it, they said if I was adopting more than one I needed a wife or fiancee, and since this was originally Hawkeye's plan, she was dragged in too."

"Great. Best thing that could happen to us. Adopted by some freaks!"

"Ed, calm down, you'll adjust, besides it's better than being by yourself, right?" Hawkeye was giving me a look.

I tossed my head back, feeling it crack and almost snap. Too bad that didn't kill me. "Fine, I'll give it a try. If I don't like it, I'm going to Granny's."

Al gave a small whistle with his breath. I wondered if he was happy about this. No, I wonder if he's happy about my choice. It's not like he can just jump up with joy, he's very weak still. And if he didn't say anything but something positive then... Maybe I should get my mind fixed.

"Good, until then, you'll be leaving with Hawkeye, I still have to work on conquering this nation."

"Ever stop to think that when Grumman dies he'll just hand over the nation point blank to you?" I asked, grabbing the cloth to my red coat that was hanging over the chair I was sitting in. How do I know it's cloth?

"Of course, I've thought about it, doesn't mean it's going to happen," Mustang said, he set a stack of papers on his desk. "Now if you excuse me Ed, I have some work to do."

I scowled as I turned my back and followed Al out the door. I had to push in his back so that we could get out of that room faster. The lieutenant followed us out the door before shutting it with a small snap.

"Why'd you allow him his sight back?" I asked, following her down the hallway. She sighed. It would have been more fun if he was blind, then me and Al could've played jokes and stuff on him.

"Everyone deserves a second chance in the world, even if it's colonel Mustang. You two especially should know." She stopped in the middle of her tracks and I almost ran into her. "Come on, we have to finish packing."

Packing?

Packing meant her apartment. She almost had it done. Apparently to make it realistic, she would be moving in to the colonels house with us. Probably a good thing he has a large house.

"Well, there's not that much left, but, Ed, you can feed Hayate and Al, why don't you come help me finish packing my clothes."

Hayate wasn't that big. He was black and white dog, like Den is, except without the auto-mail leg. Apparently the lieutenant spoiled her dog, because he expected me to feed him actual meat or something. Plus, I couldn't find kibble.

After that, I got him a bowl of water, since he was looking at me with big moon eyes and I gave in. That dog was going to be the death of me, I decided. He tackled me, swiping my face with his long pink tongue.

"Hayate, here boy!"

The dog, which was heavier than it looked, leaped off me and went straight for the lieutenant, who scratched his ears. I got up from the floor, wiping off dog drool from my face. Al laughed and I shot him a look that said: "yeah, you try getting eaten alive by a dog."

Al and me followed her through the streets of central Amestris to Mustang's house. I stopped at the gate to look at it. It was huge. His house was pure white like frosting on a cake. The shutters were a pale green. Who knew he had somewhat good taste in decor.

The lieutenant showed us inside. I have this weird feeling that's she's been here before. The house itself was large and spacious, with two stories, each one with two bedrooms on that floor. The dining room had a large, sheen table with four chairs surrounding it, they're backs open with just a few railings.

The walls were, disturbingly, painted a pale peach, with a grandfather clock leaning against one of the walls. Leaning against the mantel were a few pictures of what I assumed to be of Mustang when he was a kid. The first one, him hugging his mother, second, him and hawkeye when they were teenagers and another one, where he was saluting Bradley, just being named a state alchemist.

Me and Al had different bedrooms. They were both on the top floor, Al's painted a pale green, the color of the shutters. The bed looked comfy enough, with a white sheet draped over it and covered with a fuzzy blue blanket. I wondered distantly why he had so many bedrooms.

My bedroom was slightly bigger, a light yellow, that against the sun was actually quite pretty. The bed matched the walls. There was a small shelf holding some books, and a desk shoved in the corner, a chair set in front of it. I opened each drawer out of curiosity. Empty, empty, and more empty.

After sitting in Al's bedroom for a few minutes, listening to him talk continuously, I decided I was going to go insane. Fast. It wasn't quiet, no in fact, it was extremely loud, the lieutenant talking to Mustang, Al talking continuously. The fact that my family wasn't there. Granny, Winry, me, and Al. Not Mustang and the lieutenant. I mean there nice and everything, but Al was excepting this far too easily.

Dinner was ready. It was ramen. The lieutenant can cook? Her answer was rather snarky: "Of course I can, I am a women after all." And thus ended making any sort of comment about her food.

After dinner (which was extremely awkward, nobody said anything, except for Al to comment on the food, which was actually a positive comment) I receded to my room, ignoring the invitation to Al's room.

Inside, I picked up one of the books. I opened it so the spine was flat on my hand. I tried reading. My vision doubled. I dropped it and it fell to the floor with a thump. Nothing else caught my interest. I took a photo out of my pocket. It was crinkled and torn in a spot. It was the only photo I owned that was hanging on cork board in Granny's house. It showed Me, Al, and Winry, when we were five or six. Winry had clutched onto my arm to annoy me, and I was trying to shake her off. Al had fallen into the mud, where you could see him in the side of the picture, wiping off the mud. I pocketed again and felt metal against my hands.

I grabbed whatever it was that I was feeling, and brought it up to eye level. Winry's earrings. Right, I still haven't given those back to her. I pocketed them, not before I stabbed myself with the end to one of them.

Suddenly, I was moving automatically, opening the door to my room, revealing the hall. The lieutenant was washing dishes in the next room, humming to herself when I entered the living room. Mustang was nowhere to be seen, so I took that as a safe bet to go ahead and leave.

The door was silent, and the lieutenant didn't even look back when the cold air hit the warm house. She just swirled some soap onto a dish rag and washed a bowl. I stepped outside. Amestrisis drops almost ten degrees during the night, so currently it was like 40 degrees.

I walked through the backyard, so no one would see me, but instantly regretted it. Branches and brambles kept hitting me in the face. Eventually, in the end, I reached a clearing with a dirt path leading up to a small house. There was stones leading all the way up to the house. I walked up it, for what seemed like forever. At the end, I was freezing and whether or not I wanted to do this anymore, I needed to get inside before i died of hypothermia.

The porch light was on, and it was almost as if she was expecting me. She had the main door open and swung into the room, kept from knocking back into place by a fat piece of metal, shaped into a cube.

All that was left was a flimsy screen door. I cupped my hands around my face. Inside I can see Winry sleeping at her bench, the pictures of all of us kids from throughout the years, hanging above her green bandana on cork board. It was strange, I have never thought of her as pretty, more like someone to slather mud on.

But, even now, as she's sleeping, wearing khaki's and a black shirt, with her long hair brushed out and against her back, and tied up in a bandana. I remembered faintly when we were little and me and Al were fighting, and we had both tumbled into the mud. Winry had laughed at our attempts, and then I had grabbed her hand and dragged her in with us.

Granny wasn't happy that she had to let her bathtub fill up with mud and grime, just because I decided that we should play in the mud. It didn't hold back a small on her face though. I knocked against the glass pane.

One of her eyes open and stare at me, crystal blue, before she shuts them again. "Go away Ed." Then she rolls her head to the other side, clutching a half finished auto-mail leg. I knock against the window again.

She sits up rod straight and crosses the room. "God Ed, why can't this wait until morning?" she rubs one of her eyes, like she's always done since she was little. Then she opens her eyes in surprise and her mouth drops into an O shape. "ED?"

"Uh... yeah, and Winry, could you let me in? It's like -10 out here I swear and-"

The door opened. I collapsed into one of the dining room chairs, looking at the candles flicker back and forth. Winry put on a kettle filled with water.

"So, if you haven't been killed... wait... where's Al?"

"Home," i responded, taking a sip of the tea that Winry placed in front of me. She leans against the other side of the counter, drinking some too.

"Home? Where?"

"Well, we... we kind of got adopted."

Winry snorted into her cup, spraying out tea into the sink through her teeth. "Who would adopt you?"

"Apparently, The colonel and the lieutenant think we make perfect children."

Winry laughed again. "OK, I can't see that happening in a million years, no matter how many time you tell it. Unfortunately, because it's coming from you, it's probably true."

"Yeah..."

"So, Ed, did you come here to actually talk, or did you bust your auto-mail again and trying to cover it up by talking so much?"

I rolled up the sleeve to my left arm, revealing the skin. Winry screeched in delight. "You got your limbs back! Did Al get his body back?"

I nodded my head "Yeah, Al got his body back, but, I only got my arm back, Leg is still auto-mail. Oh, and no alchemy."

"No alchemy?"

"None. I would explain it now, except I have a feeling that Mustang would have my head if he figured out that I wasn't just hiding in my closet." I rolled my eyes as Winry giggled. I stood up from my chair, leaning backwards to crack my back. Winry got up too. She hugged me, wrapping her arms around me, and burying her head in my shoulder.

"Come again soon, Ed! Oh, and let me look at your auto-mail next time your here, it may need work on it."

"Yeah, sure whatever Win." Then I lean down and kiss her lips, just for a second before pulling away and bolting for the door. She has a long range with that wrench. Halfway down the dirt path I here her screaming, I turn around.

"Edward Elric! You have got to be the dumbest man alive!"

I cup my hands around my mouth, holding back a smile. "Your welcome Winry!"

Being that it's almost midnight, and that's freezing cold, and wishing I had stayed in Winry's present just a little bit longer (or at least, kissed her in a nicer way), I was practically ready for someone to ambush me, and take me to there warm house. I realized after that, you shouldn't wish for things that can actually come true.

"Hey."

I nearly jumped out of my skin as I heard a voice. It seemed familiar... was it? I couldn't tell, on top of that they had a gun pressed to the side of my head. Wait, gun?

I knock the gun away from my head. "Lieutenant, as your adoptive son, I don't think it's wise to point a gun at me."

"Yeah, I suppose so. Next time that you sneak out of the house, you may want to try the backdoor," Hawkeye says, hiding her gun. She begins walking down the dark road, and I ran to catch up with her.

"There's a backdoor?"

"Yes. Actually, it would be considered your window," she smiled, and I wouldn't have seen it if we hadn't walked past a house where a party was currently going on, candles flickering in the dark, and people twirling in red and orange dresses.

"Well, it's not like I went and did anything bad, I just-" I stopped there, knowing full well that she would tease me for going to see Winry.

"Don't want to talk about it huh? I understand."

"Of course you do, Dear Mother."

"Shut up. go around the back and climb in your bedroom window, I'll just tell the colonel that you were by the apple tree out back."

"Yeah, sure whatever," I said lazily, skimming around the house. The window was big, and I had to make sure that I wasn't going to go crawling through Al's room before lifted myself up and slammed down into the floor.

O-U-C-H...

"Brother?" Al burst into my room, slamming the door back against the wall. I wouldn't be surprised if Mustang and Mom ( not the right word.) burst into the room.

"Just bleeding to fricken death over here!" I said, pretending to bleed and stand up at the same time.

"Where were you? I was looking for you everywhere!"

"Under my bed," I said sarcastically, standing up to take in full view of Al. He had one hand holding him up, it was on the wall.

"Brother! That could have dust and dirt! And bugs!"

"Whatever Al, go to bed. I was just going to." I pulled back the covers and kicked off my shoes. "Goodnight Al!"

"Uh... goodnight brother..."

I crawled into bed and covered myself with blankets. Maybe tomorrow me and Al could go and see Winry... together, so she couldn't hit me with a wrench.

Yeah, that one failed. When I woke up in the morning (stiff and mean-spirited from lack of sleep) I was glad to find that Mom and Mustang were both gone. She is not your mom, I repeated over in my head. How the hell did I get something like that stuck in my mind?

Al looked like he had been up for a couple of hours. He was dressed and his hair combed out. I groaned. Why does my little brother get to look better than me?

I buttered a piece of bread and sat down as soon as the door rang. Sensing my bad mood, Alphonse did the sensible thing and went to check who it was.

Which left me at the table with a piece of paper and a piece of tape stuck to it. I picked it up and looked at it:

_Al and Ed,_

_The colonel has gotten an important message from the Fuhrer, So, we'll see you two tomorrow morning since this seems like an all nighter thing._

_-Hawkeye_

"Uh... hi..."

"Hello Alphonse, is Ed in there?" Female voice.

"Yeah, but he's in a bit of a weird mood right now, so it's not a good idea to see him right now..."

"That's OK, I just have to, um, give him something."

And then a wrench is in my face. Cold metal crushing my nerve cells. If half my brains hadn't just been scrambled I think I would've given her a piece of my mind right now.

"That's for last night, Ed!"

"Was it really wrench worthy?" I asked, handing Winry back her wrench.

"Well, obviously Ed if the wrench is here." It smacked down into her palm. Maybe she was imaging that being my head. I shuddered involuntarily. Handing back her wrench didn't seem that great anymore.

"Can someone explain this to me...?" Al asked half-heartedly.

"NO!" both me and Winry shouted in unison, red creeping across both of our faces.

"Ok, ok, I'll just go write a letter to Mei or something." He retreated to his room, inching away slowly.

"Wait! Al! I got a letter for you! It got sent to our house accidentally!" Winry called, waving a white envelope in the air. Al took it and tore it open. "I suppose that she thought you would be living with us." Winry shrugged and watched Al read the letter, like I was.

Al let out a sigh. "Well, they all made it back safety. Mei practically had to force LanFan to wear Ling's jacket so her arm wouldn't kill her. I suppose it could've been worse."

He folded the letter in half and handed it to me. It had a green stamp on it that showed it was the royal family. Mei's handwriting was scrawled across the top that said: 'To: Alphonse Elric'.

I stuffed it back into the envelope. "So did the royal Yao become Emperor?" I asked sarcastically. Al nodded.

"Yes, I guess the philosopher's stone was just enough to make him Emperor. Took some persuading though."

"Why?" Winry butted into our conversation.

"They had already picked a new Emperor since his father died. The oldest son took over."

"Ugh! I hate it when people are so sexist-"

"Win-"

"I mean seriously! We're important too! Men couldn't dress themselves without us-"

"Winr-"

"And not to mention, if they were stuck alone with a child, and they wonder why we have mental breakdowns!"

"Winry! Sorry, I didn't mean to put it that way, he was the oldest child out of all of them."

That shut Winry up. She sank down into a chair and smiled. "Why is every first born a boy? It's not fair to the girl's."

Neither me nor Al answered. Somehow I felt that if I did answer her that she's just hit me with a wrench or slam a book into my head, we did have a lot of those around here.

"Ok, since you guys obviously aren't going to answer me, why'd you guys get adopted?"

I shrugged and looked at Al. He looked at me. OK, time to make up a ton of crap and make it sound realistic.

"Both of our parents died so we're considered orphans. Mo- the lieutenant apparently took pity on us and decided that adopting us would be a good idea."

"You could've lived with me and granny!"

"Yeah, but I think Hawkeye wanted to be able to get comfortable around other family besides you and granny," I said smugly, looking her in the eyes. I reached into my pocket, "I forgot to give you these yesterday, sorry." I pulled out her silver earrings, being careful not to stab myself again.

"Oh! I forgot you had those! Why didn't you give them back to me when we saw each other at Granny's house? Before the promise day?"

Al looked confused, and jumped into the conversation. "You saw each other before the promise day?"

"Um... yeah, don't bring that up again Al," I said, turning red in the face.

"B-"

"Just don't, OK Al?"

He didn't say anything, just turned around to stare at the pictures in the living room. He picked one up and examined it closely.

"Well, I'll have to see you guys more often since I know you guys aren't dead," Winry said hopefully. "Wait, your not planning on killing yourselves are you?"

"No, we're officially retired. I guess the last thing to do is to learn about everything we can and act like 'normal' humans," I laughed. It was so weird, we've been on this quest for over twelve years, starting with mom dieing all the way until now, it was just weird that we're down to nothing. We have nothing. Sure, my arm's flesh, and I have a love/hate relationship with the girl that I kind of like (Ok, I can officially kill myself), and I was adopted by mustang and Hawkeye, but, it's not enough.

I just don't know what is anymore.

_Two years later_

"I'll still see you guys, right?" Winry was staring into a cup and wasn't look up. I doubt she would've looked up if I said I was on fire.

"Of course, we're only going for a year," I said softly, nudging my head next to hers softly. She giggled.

"Well, why?"

"Because, we want to learn the different branches of Alchemy, Alphonse will be studying Alkahestry in the east and there's a weird type over in West, that's were I'm going."

"What happens if they kill you on the spot?"

"Then I pull a Ling Yao and jump off the nearest cliff."

Winry looked doubtful but didn't add anything to my comment. She stirred a spoon in her cup and tasted it. I looked at the clock: almost six o'clock, so if I didn't go home then Mom would get all upset, thinking that I don't like her cooking.

"OK, I guess I'll go Win, don't want to be yelled at..." I stood up and stretched, I guess I hadn't realized that I'd been talking to Winry for over five hours. Yes, thank you supposed family for throwing me out of the house on my birthday. You are truly wonderful.

"Wait, why not stay a little bit longer? You want to be able to have granny say happy birthday, right?"

"Winry-"

"Or I could check up on your auto-mail! It could probably use some tuning right?"

"Your making me sound like an instrument!" I said, I grabbed the red coat that was slung around the chair I had been sitting in. "Goodbye Win-"

"How about I cook you something?"

"Mom will cook."

There was silence after that last sentence. Sure, I called Hawkeye mom in my head, but to everybody else I referred to her as 'the lieutenant'. I'm fairly certain Winry's head just exploded, or she would start giggling or something.

Nothing.

And then? The phone, the lifesaver, I could've jumped for joy. Winry rushed over to answer it. "Hello?"

Mumbling. I couldn't ear anything. If I was on loopy drugs I would've thought that she was talking to Alphonse, but, he doesn't sound like that anymore, since he's out of the metal suit. It made me sigh in relief and roll up the sleeve to look at my arm. Too bad I have a leg to remind me.

"Yup, all finished."

Clearly I've landed myself in the end of Winry's conversation, and I have no idea what's she is talking about. "OK, let's go!"

"Where?" I asked, as Winry steered me towards the door. She held a circular item in her hands, wrapped in tinfoil.

"Home silly. I made an apple pie to share with you guys! I just needed to make sure that Ms. Riza was OK with that."

"You really are strange," I commented as we went outside. I helped her down the stairs and we were on our way to home. Through the night... maybe we should've left earlier...

"It's really pretty at night, isn't it Ed?" She was pointing at a full moon that was hanging in the sky. Stars were scattered around it, twinkling happily. It seemed like nothing bad could happen, that just those little things kept the world in peace.

But, I knew full well that just as easily as everything's calm, it's also dangerous and scary. Like, when you see a lamp light in the middle of the night, even though you know that Selim Bradley isn't going to pop out of nowhere and hit you with deadly shadows.

"Yeah, it's so weird that it gets dark so fast over here," I said, remembering what Mei had told Al, it doesn't get dark over in Xing until over eleven at night. And here, at six or seven.

"Here, will you hold this?" Winry shoves the tinfoil wrapped dish into my hands. It must have gold or something concealed in it because it ways a ton. Maybe she put frosting on it. I can't help but drool at that thought.

"So how far away is your house?" She asks, jestering around, but not really looking anywhere.

"Up the street, one or two houses away," I answer automatically. Winry looked around, the neighborhood is quite pretty, flowers, trees, and fruit bushes. Some people even had small decorations that covered the lawn and they sparkled in the moonlight.

"OK."

The rest of the walk was silent, and I was almost tempted to take a peek at the apple pie, just to make sure Winry wasn't lieing. But, if I caught her lieing then she'd probably smack me over the head with her wrench, because everyone knows she has a million of those things.

The house was dark, except I could see Alphonse's room light on and the kitchen light flickering. So, that probably meant that Mom was still cooking, Al was reading and who knew what Mustang was doing.

"This is the house," I said, pointing to the large house that looked like sparkly snow in the moonlight. A cloud covered the moon for a minute and it looked like frosting on a cake. I lead Winry over towards the house.

"You first Ed," she said, pointing at the door. I gave her a dubious look until she said, "It's your birthday after all."

So I opened the door, looking back at the smile plastered on Winry's face. It was creepy. I mean, all that would happen would be that Mom would serve dinner and Al would tease me about getting nowhere in my relationship with Winry- which I think he has no room to talk considering he hasn't seen his girlfriend since she left.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

"Huh?"

The kitchen and dining room were covered with confetti and streamers. Al, Mom, and Mustang were all behind the table, shouting happy birthday (maybe a bit half-heartedly in Mustang's case) as was Winry behind me. There was three presents stacked on top of the table, which I assumed to be from my family.

"It's your brother birthday! Or did you forget?" Al pulled me into a chocking hug and Winry walked in through the door and set the 'pie' on the table. She pulled off the tinfoil to reveal a cake.

"Thank you Ms. Riza, and , and I made the cake like Al asked me to!"

"Thanks Winry, sorry it took all day to prep," Al said, pulling her into a hug now. She laughed. "It's OK Alphonse, it was fun talking to him anyways."

I peered over Winry to look at her cake. It was covered in frosting. It had little strawberries sticking out at the rim of it, with drops of frosting in between them. "What kind of cake is it?"

"Chocolate and vanilla! Want a piece?" Al hands her a knife and she slices the cake in half, then in half again, then once more. She handed a piece to me and everybody else. "Oops, I forgot to let you blow out the candles."

"I don't feel like blowing out candles," I said, taking a bite of the cake. No wonder it weighed a ton, it was like four layers. "So, why the birthday party all the sudden?"

"Since your going away for a whole year, we threw a going away party, mixed with your birthday," explained the colonel, setting down his plate. "Also, in three weeks from now I am going to become fuhrer!"

I inched towards mom and whispered in her ear "Is that really a good idea?" She sighed, and shrugged. "Depends upon how you look at it, here Hayate, would you like the rest of my cake?" She bent down and set the rest of her vanilla cake in front of the black and white dog. It ate it in a few gulps.

"So if Al's going to Xing, where are you going?"

"Creta, it's the closest, and I heard they had an interesting form of Alchemy over there."

"Hmm, you might have to go someplace else. I heard recently that Creta was closed for a short time, but then again, it may have been a rumor. And, I don't think that's Alchemy that your hearing about it may actually be the work they have over there."

"What kind of work?" I asked, stepping aside as Al went towards the kitchen.

She shifted uncomfortably. I wondered if she would actually tell me. "Mostly, they cut stuff." After one look on my face she laughed. "Not people, anything else. They can shape even diamonds into any shape. But, it might be something worth looking into, you have no idea what kind of dirt they may be hiding."

"Yeah," I answered, just as Winry set a present in front of me. "Yeah."

_Next morning_

"Al, could you grab my coat?" I asked, shoving my arms into my boots. I shook my head and then set them down on the floor.

"Winry has arms! Ask her to do it! I'm trying to pack."

"Winry, could you get my arms?"

"There attached to your body."

"MY COAT!"

"Here's your coat." The colonel handed me a folded over brown cloth. It was still slightly too big for me, but, it would do.

"Thanks," I said, grabbing it and shoving my arms through it. I grabbed my suitcase and ran through the door. Winry was out in the hallway, waiting for me and Al to finish, our 'late minute packing'.

"Ready!" Al came out of the room, clutching a suitcase in his hands, smile plastered across his face. "The train leaves at nine, so we have to hurry."

"Right, let's run in -5 below, our legs won't go numb in thirty seconds," i said sarcastically.

"I'll drive," offered Mustang.

"I almost rather walk," I muttered to Winry. Luckily enough, I didn't have to sit next to him. Al did, and I sat in the back next to Win.

"Ok, we're here!"

"Where's the lieutenant?" I asked, realizing she wasn't in this car.

"She got pulled into a mission with Havoc. Sorry."

"The train!" Al jumped out of the car and rushed towards the soon-to-be departing train. He flashed his ticket to the conductor than smiled and waved towards us all.

The train chugged out, and the last memory I have of Alphonse until we see each other in a year, is him waving to us from the train. "Ok, I'll just wait for my train," I said nicely. Mustang shrugged and I got out, followed by Winry.

"Try not to get killed out there in Creta, Ed."

"Yes sir!"

He drove off, shaking his head, and I sat down on a bench, followed by Winry.

"What time your train leave?"

"I have to catch it in a hour, if that's what your asking." I said, sinking down in the bench a little. This was the last time I see Winry for a year. And even when I do come back, she might have found a new boyfriend...

I was lost in thought so much, I hadn't noticed that she had been asking me questions, so I kept replying with a 'yeah', heck, I didn't even notice that it had been forty-five minutes.

My mind was set.

"You'll be careful with your auto-mail right?"

"Yeah." I thought for a moment. "Win-"

"Look the train, come on Ed! You'll miss it!" She grabbed my arm and dragged me the train stop. I exhaled. This was way harder than I imagined it.

I stepped onto the side of the train, tightening my grip around the handle of my suitcase. I spun around and almost lost grip and fell, thank you grips. "IT'S EQUIVALENT EXCHANGE! i GIVE YOU HALF MY LIFE, YOU GIVE ME HALF OF YOURS!"

Please ignore the screaming idiot.

That sounded waaaaay better in my head.

The train conductor poked his head out if the window beside him, before spitting harshly at the ground and turn around laughing.

"Ed, when are you going to learn?"

Silence. She had her hand to her chest, speaking with her whole heart. "Want half my life? I'll give you all of it!"

More silence. Well, at least she had gotten her point across without sounding like a complete and utter idiot. Then, she freaked out. "Not my whole life!" A red streak crossed over her face, a blush. "Eighty five percent! No that's too much... seventy! Seventy five?" She was counting on her fingers.

I burst out laughing. It wasn't even that funny. Just funny when it came to Winry. She looked up at me. I touched her head and then pulled her into a hug. "How come only half your life Ed?"

"I have work, and so do you, we can't just throw that away to spend every second with each other, it would get boring after a while."

"Fine. But, promise me seventy-five percent."

"Seventy-five."

"Thanks Ed."

I leaned down and kissed her. Only lightly, or else I would miss the train. She pulled back first, telling me I would miss the train.

I boarded, the conductor threw his head back, and laughed at Winry's retreating back. "Missy, you should be glad half of 'Mestrisis didn't see that."

I think I saw a wrench fly by me, I am hoping dear to (yes, god) that she did not just kill the train conductor.

_1 year later_

I think I am never going back to Creta. It's official. Sure, the princess there had given me a good going away 'welcome', but, the time in between that was complete hell. Who let's a nine year old run your country?

Apparently she was the only royalty left, and her parents were dead. Didn't mean she had an excuse to stab me upon our first meeting. I AM NOT JOKING. The little death girl stood up, pulled her sword and stabbed me right through the arm, and didn't apologize. I was lucky.

They didn't have any form of Alchemy, but they could shape anything. I got them to shape a sapphire I found against my clothes when the 'princess' stabbed me into a heart. Then I got them to attach it to a small silver band that I had leftover from all my auto-mail workings.

Right now I carried that in my pocket. I'd give it to Winry for her ring. For when we get married. I was also trying to find a place to sit in the train. It was packed. When I got on, I thought I saw someone sitting on top of the train, but when I looked again, there was no one.

Crawling through the train, I finally found a seat where there was only two people sitting in the four chairs. I sat down.

"Hi, sorry-"

"Brother!"

"Edward Elric!"

"Um, let go of me."

Al released his grip around me. I noticed that he was still an ich or two shorter than me, and Mei was albout the same height as him.

"Why is Mei-"

"I wanted to see Amestris again," she explained. "LanFan, come say hello."

I raised an eyebrow, and then I saw a flash of black as the said girl jumped through the window. "You called Madame Mei?"

"Look, it's Edward Elric!"

LanFan smiled and nodded in my direction. "It's good to see you again Ed."

"Not to be rude or anything, but, where's Ling?"

LanFan blanched and turned her back. "We don't speak of traitors. That's what Madame Mei says."

"Madame Mei?" I asked Al.

"LanFan takes care of Mei now. Right LanFan?"

"Yes. Ling has other needs apparently." She sat down in the remaining chair. "I suppose I like Mei better, I don't have to call her anything besides her name, and she treats me like an equal."

"So how is his Lord Yao?" I asked.

Mei answered in an angry rant. "He went into office, made the clans better, then fired LanFan, and expected her to go back to her family!"

"What's wrong with her family?"

"She's a disgraced royal," answered Al, whispering in my ear.

"Ah, because that makes perfect sense."

_September 15_

"You'll do fine Ed," Al clapped him on the back. I shrugged, looking down at my palms. "I mean, if Mustang could do it, you can."

"That's not helping," I said, looking up at the chairs lined up outside. Me and Al both stood under a pavilion, talking about the ceremony that would take place in twenty minutes.

"Mei did a good job didn't she?" Al asked, leaning on his elbow to look at the chairs spread out, and the flowers in vases every few feet.

"Yeah." I learned that that's what I said whenever I got nervous or couldn't think of anything else to say. When LanFan found this out, she and Mei sat down at the table with me, and discussed marriage issues, in which I resorted to just saying 'yeah' to whatever they said. LanFan picked this up, and asked me if I was going to kill myself before the ceremony. I replied with a 'yeah' then thought better of it, and told her and Mei I was going to push them off a cliff when I had the next chance.

"Ed!"

"Hide me," I said, ducking down beside Al. Ling found me anyways.

"Wow! Your getting married! Is LanFan and Mei here?" He had his arms around both me and Al in a brotherly way.

"Yeah, and there both not that happy with you." I said, straightening my tie.

Ling continued to smile, bobbing his head. "Actually I came to tell Mei she may have the throne, and if she's not then I'm giving it to Sinri."

"Good life not suiting your life quite well, Yao?" I snarled. "You know, your bodyguards been here for over a year, and you never sent a letter, nothing."

"I know."

"She thought you were dead! She thought you were kidding when you fired her! And you come back here, hoping that she's not ready to throw you out a window? She's been taking care of your little sister over there, and is actually being treated like a human being! And you-"

"That's enough."

Dad stepped in front of us before I could actually get some curse words out. When we were living with him and Mom they made up a rule that if you swear, that my mother would personally shoot you. We guessed she was kidding, but we never tried to see if she really was.

"Ed, we know he made a mistake, but, before I have to get Riza over here, you may want to consider at least making it through the ceremony."

"Yes father," I mumbled. He straightened my jacket, and smiled. "You know I'm glad you grew, we can actually talk, man to man."

"Well, I'm going to go find my sister and LanFan." Ling said, racing off.

"OK, it's clear ladies."

At Dad's call LanFan, Mei, and Mom stepped out from behind a couple of bushes behind us. Mom walked away, but Mei walked over to Al and placed a small kiss on his cheek.

"Nice dress." I commented. Both of them were wearing pale blue dresses, and there hair clipped up with cute butterfly berets. LanFan carried a bouquet of white flowers with a pink streak down the middle, and Mei with the exact same except with an orange streak.

"Yeah, we picked them out when you were in the numb 'yeah' lock," LanFan explained. She's changed so much, she's gone from being the quiet, rigid, fearful bodyguard she was when she was guarding Ling. Now, she showed her true self, a loud, unbelievably obnoxious and sarcastic country girl.

"But, you picked out great dresses!" Mei, exclaimed, twirling in her dress.

"LANFAN! MEI!"

"And there goes Lord numbskull." I said, forcing myself to smile. Ling was in the distance, yelling at a squirrel in a tree a little while off.

"Too bad he let the whole Emperor thing go to his head," Mei said, she nudged LanFan slightly. "He would've been great for you!"

"Uh-huh, until he left me to-"

"This conversation is too awkward, I'll go make sure Winry's OK." I said, walking down the pavillion. LanFan grabbed me.

"Ed, I'm sorry, but, you can't. And, I was kidding about the Ling thing, it was a joke, Sh-"

My arms were released and I dropped down to the ground. Apparently Yao must have caught sight of the girls and they quickly evacuated.

"OK! WHO INVITED YOU?" I asked, as Ling looked under a bush near the pavilion. He shrugged. "I don't know. I just got the invitation."

"Sure it wasn't for the nut house?"

"Hey, brother, it's going to begin. Let's go Ling." Alphonse dragged Ling to the middle row of the three rows of chairs. People began to take seats, as Al stood back up by me.

Sheska, the new Selim Bradley and his mother, Mr. Garfiel, Paninya, Armstrong, and his sister (Wait, what the hell?), Havoc, Fuery, the four chimeras, granny, Mom, Dad, Ling- already seated and protesting as Armstrong sat next to him, Teacher, and her husband, Sig, Rose, Elysia, and her mother. That made a small list in Winry's standers, but in mine, it would've been a crowd if it had been just Mom, Dad, and Ling.

Yeah,um, I began to fear for my life, thinking that if I messed up, I would probably have a wrench lodged in my head.

When Winry actually did appear, she looked great, Her hair twisted around elegantly and pulled back into a ponytail, her dress was sleeveless, like she had intended. The skirt part wasn't like the rest in linen, just layers and layers of filmy soft material. Her shoes set off the whole thing, sandals with a small heel, and small diamonds in the edges.

When she walked up to me, and took my hand, her first word was: "You forgot rings."

"Nice wedding dress," I retorted. And I didn't forget, Mei still held onto the sapphire on I had asked her too.

LanFan took her place beside Winry and smiled happily at her. Mei stood in front of us, deciding she wanted to do the bonding of marriage.

"Ok, since I can't remember what comes before this, do you Edward Elric take Winry Rockbell to be your wife? For, um, blah,blah, blah, and fill in the blank?"

"Yeah."

LanFan giggled.

"And do you Win-"

"Mei, if I didn't I don't think I would've gushed about this for a whole week."

"OK. Then, Ed, you may kiss the bride."

I kissed Winry quickly and softly, pushing at her lips for just a second before pulling apart. I'm sorry, do you protest? I am not about to make-out in front of everybody we now.

"OK, all the single girls and ladies, gather around, I'm going to throw the bouquet!" Winry said, turning around.

Paninya, Sheska, LanFan, Mei, Rose, and a reluctant Olivah Armstrong (Who was pushed in by her brother) gathered around.

"OK, one, two, three!" Then she tossed.

You won't believe who caught it.

Guess.

If you guessed LanFan, you are correct. After catching, she handed it to Mei, and explained that she was catching it for her master. There was a lot of objections. Mei handed it back to LanFan.

"It is yours."

"I don't want it."

The rest of the night when fairly smoothly. Al and Mei danced beside us when everybody else was. Then we traded and I danced with Mei. LanFan shot us pure venom when we asked her she wanted to dance with Ling. We didn't bring it up again.

Even Olivah Armstrong seemed to clear off a bit of her paranoia mood, and even managed to compliment me... sorta. Armstrong was in tears, hugging everybody that he could manage, or anybody who couldn't flip him onto his back. Paninaya danced for a little bit with before dancing with Al. Havoc managed to catch Rose and dance with her, before she left him to dance with Fuery, and Sig and our teacher danced. But, by far the cutest couple was Selim and Elysia, who kind of danced for thirty seconds.

Half way through, I allowed Mei to give Winry the ring that I had made in Creta. Winry loved it and didn't understand why I hadn't given it to her sooner. And after it all, everybody was completely done, and Mei said she loved weddings, but didn't like cleaning them up.

"Stupid, stupid, st-"

"Mei!"

Guess who.

"Ling! I thought you die- I mean, what are you doing in Amestiris?"

"I wanted to ask you if you wanted to take the throne, as empress, and if you didn't I'm giving it up to Sinri."

"Why Sinri?"

"She was third runner up." Ling explained. "LanFan!" he waved frantically in her direction. She turned her back and plucked a few flowers from a nearby vase.

_March 26, a year after the wedding_

"Just take the picture," I growled. Liam was heavy, and weighing down my arms. I considered asking Winry if we could switch and she hold Liam, while I held Sarah, but, I felt she deserved a break. Al was behind me, smiling, a arm touching Mei, who was holding Xio Mein.

Everybody else in the freaking world had filled in beside us, Granny, , Paninya, Teacher, Sig, Ling, LanFan, Armstrong, Havoc- each of them saying they wanted one last picture with us before they went separate ways.

"I want in too!"

Autumn was famous for complaining. Or whining. Or crying. Anything in the world actually except for talking for people to understand. Autumn had waist length hair, brushed out so you could see it was naturally black.

"OK, why not let Mom and Dad join the picture too!" I said sarcastically. I don't think they heard the sarcasm because they joined in the picture too. "Fine, have it that way. But, after that, I want a normal picture!"

Dad set the camera up for a self taking. It would go off in two minutes.

It flashed. Autumn giggled from dad's arms, and Sarah smiled, showing her first tooth.

"You know, that might actually have to be the picture that we keep." I said, waving it for a second. The black faded off.

I had my arm around Winry and both the kids were giggling. Dad was holding Autumn up high, and he was near Mom. Ling had a hold of LanFan, around her waist, much to her surprise, Mei smiled next to Al, curious as Xiao Mein jumped across her arms. Paninya was behind Granny, watching her smoke, and happily cried into a handkerchief. Armstrong had his arms around me and Winry, hugging us. Teacher and Sig stood beside Dad, sort of not scowling.

"Good job FullMetal."

"Huh?"

Two hours had passed and I was staring off into space, holding Sarah as she slept in my arms.

Dad handed me a metal object. I turned it over to see a design with a dragon in it. "I was finally able to crack it open, and I decide you can keep it."

It was slightly ajar. Inside it said: Don't forget October. The rest of it had been blanked. I did that after we came back. we had become normal kids in October. It was something to remember.

"Thanks." I said, closing the watch. "But, I don't think I need it anymore. At least, not in this lifetime."

I handed it back to him.

It was a different life now. I was completely blanked of Humonculi, annoying princes, a metal suit brother. I had a real life now, with a wife, children, a mom, and a dad.

**Author note: WEEHEE! It's finally finished! I know I could've done better with the wedding scene: but, keep in mind, I was half asleep and writing, not a good combination. If you finished this, you deserve praise, so:**

***PRAISE***

**I bow in your presence. Or at least to my laptop. Ok, now that I'm done, I have no excuse to continue ignoring my other fanfic, Trump Card... T-T**

**That's Ok though, because I know what happens next, but I may take me a few days to write it because... well, my arms are like jello.**


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